This week, I felt happy.
I managed to finish all my weekly tasks at work.
I read a chapter of a financial literacy book and perused several Medium, Substack, and LinkedIn articles.
I started an online certificate for cybersecurity.
I received love, hearts, flowers, and all the confetti from my boyfriend.
This week, I felt happy.
But no, I am not.
I am distressed and tired. I crave fast food, hearts, flowers, and quite frankly, I am unhappy. The portrayal of my productive week might give someone anxiety, thinking I have it all together. Not only is what I wrote above false, all of it by the way, but it also triggers anxiety in people like me who read for enjoyment and motivation. I can only share what I am comfortable with, leaving out the trauma, harsh experiences, awful words said behind my back, the daily feelings of inferiority, uselessness, self-disgust, impostor syndrome, and lack of will to keep going. I might tell you I got a bursary, but not the struggles behind it, how it made me feel, or what I truly think of it. Remember, it's easy to write down and make people believe, so never be hard on yourself.
On another note, I am mature enough to recognize the inherent unfairness of our world. The societal constructs built over centuries contribute to this, and many are blatantly unfair.
I write this article seething with anger, knowing that the change I want will take a long time to materialize, and my efforts will seem insignificant without support. It’s a sad reality, but this world is entitled, and I am unfortunately part of it because I feel entitled to certain things too. This world is patriarchal, led by men who make rules benefiting mostly themselves.
Please, do not take this article as me shaming or blaming the opposite gender. These are merely observations. I am angry at myself because what can I do?
How does one person think they can do what they want without your consent? How does one person think you mean something other than "No" when you say it? Once, maybe they didn't hear you. The second time, maybe they thought you were playing hard to get, but the third time? No! That’s just them ignoring your words and listening only to their body.
I've heard enough stories of unwilling sexual encounters to feel enraged. This post was supposed to be about the parts of our lives we don't show, but I couldn’t stop myself from typing out my anger.
To the females reading my post today, I am sorry for the uncomfortable experiences you’ve had with the opposite gender. Unfortunately, one bad apple spoils the whole basket, leading to stereotypes (again, not fair, but it’s the world we live in).
At some point in your life, you may have experienced an uncomfortable touch, an unwanted bum slap, an unexpected hand grab, a planned and quite frankly, intrusive squeeze in your personal space, or a work conversation that diverts to your personal life. As a woman, you just know from the tone and body language that this isn’t just a colleague wanting to know about you. The uncomfortable words of endearment thrown out of nowhere: “Hey love, babe, sweets.”
I see the way some men’s eyes scan my body when I pass by, lingering on my breasts. Feeling insecure, I pull down my dress or pull my jacket lapels closer together. Then comes the argument that I shouldn’t wear tight clothes, clothes that show off my thighs, or clothes that shape my body – no matter the length. But even when I am wearing a long, loose dress and a coat, why do some men still look at you as if undressing you, leaving you naked and vulnerable?
The world is unfair, and we must navigate its roads carefully and with caution. Learn to play the game to keep ourselves sane and safe.
I don’t have more to write, unfortunately. I don’t know what else I can say.
Until next time,
Tinashemillicent
I was shocked about the boyfriend 😂😂😂😂 i didn’t even get the rest of the joke , cause I was still in shock